


I Still Need You

by city_bright



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-08 17:28:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/city_bright/pseuds/city_bright
Summary: A peek of what was going through Danny's mind when he called Mindy on his wedding day. Set in 'Concord' episode and diverging from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get over the fact that he called her on his wedding day, and the angst monster in me came out of the woodworks to write this.

It’s his wedding day, and Danny is suffocating. He _knows_ he’s making a mistake by marrying Sarah, despite what he was telling Morgan last night, but he somehow can’t stop this either. Maybe he needs someone to stop it for him, maybe he needs Mindy to do it, he doesn’t know. He hasn’t been too sure of exactly what he needs these days, except that he needs _her_. But the truth is that she doesn’t need him. Maybe she never really needed him. And sometimes he thinks he can change for her, be the man she wants and needs, but it feels like there’s a wall that’s a little too tall and a little too thick for him to bypass. And it frustrates him because he loves her so much. He knows it’s for the best since they both admit that neither one of them feels the need to change, but damn it, how did they even get here? Then, all of a sudden, their words bombard him all at once. 

_I change a little, and you change a lot._

_There’s a million things, and if I could change one of them, great, but two, seven? Twenty?_

_We are who we are and that won’t change._

_People change. I mean, there’s so many things I couldn’t picture myself doing or liking before I met you. And that’s why I love you, but I can only change so much. You wouldn’t like me if I became a different person._

He drops his head into his palms and lets out groan. “How did everything get so fucked up?” he whispers. Without thinking, he picks up his phone and goes to her contact information. He looks at her contact photo of her and Leo, and his heart aches because they're no longer the family he imagined they would be. Just another reminder of how he failed. He taps on the call button, knowing this phone call won’t change anything, but he just needs to hear her voice. “Pick up, pick up, pick up.” One ring becomes three. “C’mon, Mindy, pick up,” he desperately pleads. A fifth ring. He knows she’s trying to decide whether or not she should answer, and that’s what kills him.

“Hello? Ha, just kidding! This is Mindy, please leave a message!” Voicemail.

“Hey…Min, um, I-I don’t know why I’m calling you, but I guess I just..I just want to hear your voice. Um, call me back.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “Okay. Bye.”

He sets down the phone and looks at the time, realizing that he should be getting ready for the wedding that’s happening in just a couple of hours. He is ready to go, and he's just about to open the door to leave, but he can’t. He physically can't bring himself to move. The heavy weight of his emotions takes a toll on him, and he crumples to the ground, not making any effort to keep his suit wrinkle-free. His eyes burn as the tears well up and slide down his cheeks, and he’s audibly sobbing. He hates that he keeps doing this to himself - the self-destruction, the self-inflicted unhappiness that comes with the need to not be alone. 

After a few minutes, he takes a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and wipes away the tears. “Okay. Come on, Danny. Pull yourself together. Are you gonna get up and get married, or are you gonna sit here and feel sorry for yourself?” He glares out the window and sets his eyes on the fire escape as an anchor. He pushes himself off the floor and stands, steadying himself against the door. He takes a deep breath and tells himself that he’s okay and always will be. He repeats it to himself over and over again, as if saying it more will convince him that it’s true, and he walks out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm continuing this because I can't let it go just yet. I miss Danny too much, and I want him to find peace. Let me know what you guys think (:
> 
> Also, oof, that season finale though. Didn't expect them to kick me in the emotional heart ass with my favorite Beyoncé song, but here we are lol. Mindy Kaling, always trying to find ways to rip our hearts out haha.

It’s less than an hour before the wedding, and he’s knocking on her door. It’s a bad idea and he knows it, but not doing this is an even worse one. “Sarah? It’s Danny, can you open up?”

“But you’re not supposed to see me before the wedding,” she replies from the other side of the door.

“I know, but I need to talk to you before we do this. Will you please let me in?” She opens the door, but only wide enough for him to see her head. He fidgets slightly. “Can I come in? I really don’t want to talk about this out in the hallway where you might get mad at me.”

“Are you going to give me a reason to get mad at you?” 

He sighs, and with a slight wince, he says yes. He is allowed in and given full view of Sarah in her wedding dress. He tells her she looks beautiful, but he doesn’t quite mean it. Not as much as he wants to, anyway. She has her arms crossed in front of her, and it’s a good time as any to tell her that he slept with Mindy a couple of months ago. He can tell she’s mad, but she’s quiet, so he’s not sure what to say. 

“Do you still want to get married? To me?” she asks softly.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He shrugs and kicks the carpet with his shoe. “I’m not sure what I want anymore.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Yes. She’s the mother of my child. I will always love her.”

“Do you love me?”

He pauses just for a moment, but it's already too long. "Yes.”

“But not the way you love her.”

“No, not the way I love her.” 

She nods, fighting back the tears threatening to ruin her makeup. “Why are you doing this, Danny? Why now? Why me?”

“I called her today,” he responds, as if that will somehow magically answer everything. “I just…I just didn’t want to make another mistake by doing something out of necessity or obligation.”

“Is that how you feel? That you’re obligated to be with me or marry me?”

“Sometimes!” _Shit, that sounds bad._ “It’s not because of you. What I mean is that… I’d rather settle for something safe and for unhappiness than going for what I really want and risk destroying everything and everyone I love.”

“Have you ever thought about that settling for something less garners the same result? I mean, look at us now, Danny. You’re obviously willing to risk us for something or someone you don’t even know if you want or not.” She pauses for a beat before continuing. “We need to call off this wedding because it’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to you to continue this if it isn’t really what you want.” 

“But it is something I want.”

“No, Danny. You want the idea of it, but it’s not what you really want. _I’m_ not the one you want.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head in disagreement. “Just figure it out. Talk to someone, Danny. Get closure, do whatever! But you can’t fix what you wanna fix without fixing yourself first. Nobody can do that for you, not Mindy, not me.”

He swallows hard at her honest advice and nods. He’s not sure how to respond, so he does what he does best and voices another small apology. **“** Ugh, I’m so mad at your stupid face, but better now than after we said our vows, even though your timing is _absolutely_ horrendous.” She gives him a small smile to try and lighten the mood, which he’s very grateful for. “Come on. We need to get out there and tell them the news.”  
****

He nods and walks over to her side, slipping his hand in hers and giving it an appreciative squeeze. They walk out to face their family and friends, and he’s ready to start anew…whatever that may be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way." -Michael Scott, but also me with this fic LOL. I hope you guys are enjoying it so far though (:

Telling everyone that they were calling off their wedding did garner a few whispers and more than enough demeaning looks for a lifetime, but he probably deserves it. He feels better now, like he's been freed from jail, but he feels worse too because with this freedom comes the burden of piecing little bits of his life back together. Everything is just so muddled in his brain that he can’t really wrap his head around not having Sarah or Mindy or any trace of what he’s familiar with. Life sort of came at him fast after Leo was born, and he wasn’t prepared. He had to take care of his father, he and Mindy broke up, then he left Shulman, leaving him to adjust to Freedom Tower, where he met Sarah. He was supposed to get married to Mindy, but didn’t. He was supposed to get married _again_ , and that also didn't work out. It’s just all a bit much for him. He doesn’t even recognize his life anymore, except being Leo’s dad. But maybe this is what he needs - a brand new slate, another chance to make it right.

He thinks about what Sarah said to him about talking to someone and fixing himself. He doesn’t like to think of himself as needing fixing because it implies that he’s broken. He’s a little beat up, a little worse for the wear, but not broken. But honestly, who is he kidding? Looking back at his life and the events that led him to where he is today, he’s definitely far from put together. He hopes, though, that talking to Mindy can help him start the arduous journey of getting everything back to his version of normal. And with that, he decides to give her a call, which she picks up immediately.

“Hey, Danny. Is everything alright, how’s Leo?” _Right. Of course she's not thinking about me. Why would she be?_  

“Hey, Min. Leo’s fine, he’s down for the night. I had some free time, so I thought I’d give you a call.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so, um. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I…ended up not marrying Sarah.” He closes his eyes and his face contorts slightly in preparation for her reaction to the news.

“Oh.”

He chuckles, a little relieved, a little amused. “Could you please stop saying, ’oh’?”

“Oh. Shit, sorry. How do you feel?”

“Like an ass, so what else is new? But I feel okay. It was the right thing to do. It wasn’t what I wanted.”

“Hmm.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Nothing!” Her high pitched voice doesn't escape him.

“Come on, Min. Who do you think you’re talking to? I can see the incredulousness on your face right now.”

“I just…,” she said brightly, “I’m sorry, it’s just hard to believe that you gave up a marriage with Sarah, when that was literally all you wanted a couple of months ago.”

“Well, people change, and sometimes they change their minds,” he says softly.

“Okay, you can’t go around saying that in that voice you used just now!”

He knows exactly what voice she’s talking about, and while he fully means what he said, he can’t resist getting a rile out of her. “What voice?”

“Now, it’s my turn. Who do you think you’re talking to? That voice you use when you get all sweet and dreamy. I know we’re not together anymore, Danny, and it’s fine, but that stuff is kryptonite for me, and you know it!” He laughs heartedly then. “Why are you laughing at me? Danny! God, you’re such a jerk.”

“Nothing, Mindy! I’m not laughing at you, I swear. You just reminded me of how we used to be, you know? I could see you rolling your eyes at me and hitting me with a pillow, and it just made me laugh, okay?” She’s still silent on the other end. “Oh, you’re fine, don’t act so offended.”

“Jerk.” 

His laughter trails off, but his smile remains. “Alright, I’m a jerk then.”

“Good, I’m glad we got that sorted out," she says curtly.

“Can this jerk still see you tomorrow when I drop off our son?” he offers.

She pauses for a brief second, considering his offer before responding with a resolute, “Yes.” 

“Okay, then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Bye, Danny.”

“Bye, Min.” He hangs up with a smile and tosses his phone to the other side of the couch. He feels lighter, like he just jumped over a hurdle in this weird race that he’s in that's not really a race. _Slow and steady_ , he reminds himself because nothing good ever comes from impulse decisions and thinking too fast. He settles down into bed, and for the first time in a long time, he goes to sleep peacefully.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delayed update, but it took me a while to overcome my writer's block and actually like what I wrote for this chapter. I don't know how many times I've rewritten this forsaken chapter haha, but the good news is that I have 4 more chapters written, so I'll be back to updating more regularly. I'd love to hear what you guys think. (:
> 
> I hope those that celebrate had a Happy Easter, and happy 3 years since Mindy and Chris shot the 'Danny and Mindy' montage in NYC. Ahh, simpler times haha.

He wakes up feeling refreshed, the heavy weight of the past couple of days finally gone. He decides to go to Staten Island with Leo, spend time with his mom, and go to the church he hasn’t stepped foot in for years just to reacquaint himself with his roots. He finds that going back to his hometown gives him a new perspective on his life. It humbles him and makes him count his blessings because if he went from an 'up-to-no-good Staten kid' to 'Manhattan doctor,' he can overcome anything. 

So, they spend all day on Staten Island and return to the city when it’s time for him to drop Leo off at Mindy’s apartment. She swings the door open with a bright smile and reaches for her sleeping son. “Hey, Danny.”

“Hey, Min. Sorry, he just pooped out on the ferry.” 

“Oh, that’s alright, let me just take him to his room. The ferry? Did you go to Staten Island?” Danny follows her inside, lingering at the door to Leo’s room. “Yeah, we just hung out there all day, saw Ma and Dot." He looks around at his son's room as if he's noticing it for the first time. "His room looks nice, Min. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but I like it.”

“Thanks.” She gives Leo a kiss on the forehead and heads to the living room. “How are you? I bet this weekend was a little rough.”

“I’m alright… adjusting,” he trails off with a shrug. 

She searches his face for an explanation, but he remains silent. “That’s it? You’re just adjusting?”

He crosses his arms in front of him, attempting to defend himself against her searching eyes.“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, I thought you’d have more feelings on calling off your wedding _._ It’s kind of a big deal.”

“I told her we slept together,” he says with a sigh as he settles in on one end of the couch.

“You did? I guess there’s no point in asking how that went. Why though? You were so against it.”

“I-it’s complicated.”

“You did it for a reason, Danny. It doesn’t need to be complicated.”

“Yeah, I know, but it just is,” he resigns. He reaches up to rub the back of his neck, suddenly feeling physically and emotionally tired. 

“Why?”

Seeing no point in keeping this from her, he begins, “I sat through my wedding rehearsal, looking around at everybody, and I realized how wrong it all felt. Everyone from Shulman was there, even though Sarah barely knew any of them. Leo was there, my whole family was there… except for you.” He looks up at her to meet her eyes and emphasize what he’s saying. “That was supposed to be _our_ wedding rehearsal. It was supposed to be us, and I couldn’t let that go, so how could I have married her? I told her about us just to have an excuse to get out of it, I guess.”

Her face softens at his confession. “Danny, you need to move on. I’m not saying that to be spiteful or hurtful, but you and I both know that we were never gonna work out at the rate we were fighting.” 

“I know, so why do I still feel…” he pauses in search for the right word, “misplaced.”

“Have you talked to anyone about it?”

“I’m talking to you,” he offers.

“Not me, you idiot,” she teases, slapping him on the arm, “like a professional.”

“No,” he admits.

“You should consider it. You shouldn’t have to go through life feeling lost. Crazy as it sounds,” she smirks, “I really do want you to be happy.”

His lips curl up into a half smile. He doesn’t remember her ever saying this to him, and while he doesn’t doubt her sincerity, it’s nice to hear her say it out loud. It gives him closure in a way, though he’d never admit it to anyone given how much he has expressed his denial of such a thing in the past. But maybe he should consider therapy. Maybe it’s time.


	5. Chapter 5

He’s been staring at his shoe against the semi-plush carpet beneath him for the past few minutes after quickly noticing how little there is to look at in this comfortably small office. There are two blue fabric arm chairs, a painting of the New York City skyline above the desk that's behind the chair in front of him, and a window on the left. He hears a voice growing louder, and he nervously wipes his palms against the denim of his jeans once more before the owner of the voice enters. 

“Daniel Castellano?”

He shoots up from the chair and manages to clearly state his presence, much to his surprise. “Hi, yes, that’s me.”

“Hi, I’m Dr. Miller.” She brightly introduces herself with a warm smile and extends a hand out to him. “So nice to meet you. Please, take a seat.” As they both sit down in their respective chairs, he look away in hopes that she didn’t notice how sweaty his palms still were. “How are you doing today, Daniel?” Her voice is soft, warm like honey, and he feels his shoulders relax and let his arms that were taped to his side to rest on the armrest.

“I’m doing okay, just a little nervous. And you can call me Danny.”

 **“** Oh, nothing to be nervous about! We’re just here to talk, **”** she starts brightly, crossing her legs and placing her black glasses on the bridge of her nose. “We’ll start simple, like where you’re from and what you do, and see how we do from there. How does that sound, Danny?”

“Sounds good."

"Great! So, tell me about yourself."

"Well, I was born in Staten Island, raised by my single mother. I have a little brother named Richie, whom I helped take care of when my dad left. I moved to the city to go to med school and became an OB/GYN. Divorced.” He upturns his palms and shrugs, not wanting to dwell on that topic. “I have a son. His name is Leo, and he’s almost 2.” He instinctively reaches for his wallet in his back pocket and shows her a photo of him. 

“Aww,” she croons, “he’s very cute.” Danny smiles and thanks her as he slips his wallet back in its place. “And are you divorced from Leo’s mother?”

“No, no. I used to be married to Christina. She cheated on me, and we divorced in 2007. We didn’t have any kids.” She writes something down onto her notepad, and it slightly worries him because it’s the first thing she’s written since they sat down. “Should I talk more about it, or?”

“If you’d like. Share whatever you feel comfortable sharing.” 

Danny nods and decides to move on, not bothering to mention their attempt to make it work or Weiner Night. “Um, I guess that takes me to Mindy, Leo’s mother.” He stares at his shoe again as he tries to think of where to begin in their history. “We were engaged, but that - uh - didn’t work out.” 

Dr. Miller sits back and patiently waits for him to continue, but when he doesn’t, she asks, “Are you on good terms with Mindy?”

He thinks about it for a while. Is he? He knows they’re not on bad terms, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows either. “We’re… fine. I mean, I really only see her when I pick up or drop off Leo on the weekends. We don’t talk too much beyond the topic of our son.”

“You sound a little sad about that. Do you want to talk to her more about other things?”

He looks up at her then. _Do I really sound sad about it? Is it that obvious?_ “Sometimes." His voice rises up like it was a question. "I don’t know. She was my best friend, and after we ended things, she told me that we shouldn’t see each other more than we have to.”

“She’s no longer your best friend?”

“What makes you say that? What do you mean?”

“You said she _was_ your best friend. Is she no longer your best friend?” she evenly repeated.

“Oh,” he responds, suddenly realizing his choice of words, “I guess not.”

“How long have you known her?”

“Ten years or so. We did our residencies together, but I didn’t really get to know her until we started working together at the same practice. She’s an OB/GYN too. We hated each other for _years_. We always knew how to push each other’s buttons and say things that would hurt the most, and yet somehow, along the way, we became best friends and fell in love.”

“The classic 'enemies to lovers' trope,” she chuckles, “but ten years is a really long time. It must have been difficult transitioning from being really good friends with her to only seeing each other when necessary.” Dr. Miller folds her hands and slightly tips her head to the side as she looks at him intently. Danny isn't sure what to make of it, but she seems genuine enough.

“Yeah, but it is what it is.”

“Is Mindy the reason why you’re here? Or part of it? We seem to be talking about her a lot.”

“You were the one who kept asking me questions about her,” he accuses, but without the bite he intended it to have. 

“You were the one who answered them.”

Damn it, she’s good. He runs a hand over his face, feeling completely out of his element with this new line of questioning. “I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing here. I’ve done the therapy thing before, and it was - I hated therapy. I felt like it didn’t work because nothing got resolved, but now…I don’t know.”

“Ahh, and yet here you are,” she teases before setting her notepad aside and taking off her glasses. “Listen, Danny, it’s okay to feel a little lost and unsure, and it’s okay to talk to someone about it. Despite your opinions on therapy and your experiences with it in the past, you chose to be here today, and I really commend you for that. But here’s the thing - nothing will get better unless you put in the effort to make the necessary changes _to_ get better. It’s not going to be easy, but that’s what I’m here for, and that’s what _you’re_ here for.”

Danny nods, signaling his understanding for the tough road that lies ahead. He has been avoiding his fears and insecurities for far too long, and it has come to the point where his whole life feels like it's in shambles. Truthfully, he's tired of, well, running. “I know, I understand. I’m ready.”

“Alright, then," she says hopefully, "Let's continue.” She puts on her glasses once more and balances her notepad on her knee to make another note.


End file.
